An Awesome Cavalcade of Shite

So the Vanek plays are done. It was great fun and seemd to go down well with the audiences we had, but now it’s over I’m looking forward to getting some spare time back to concentrate on the Pink Bear Club and all the barely organised chaos that goes with it.

There are so many ideas, buzzing around in at least 5 separate brains. Quantity of material is not a problem, and we at least are happy with the quality, but it’s catching all these pesky littel brain-bees and getting them in a displayable condition that’s the hard part. One brainhive of bees would be bad enough (the only up side to these terrible metaphors is they’ve just reminded of my favourite joke), but trying to get even two or three in the same place in the same time has proved very difficult indeed. Indeed.

But anyway, that is what we are going to attempt over the next few weeks. We’re looking for a good venue (got a couple in mind and they seem at least vaguely interested), more films are being edited by Billy and we’ve got lots of ideas for more.

As well as films, the show will always start with a musical number (but not like Morecambe and Wise or anything else you’ve seen on TV) involving a pink bear (naturally), feature appearances from special guests (real and imaginary, sometimes even a mix of both) and anything else we feel like chucking in. We’re aiming for chaos. Like I said, barely organised, but organised, chaos.

It will be an awesome cavalcade of shite. You’ll love it. Bring the whole family!

Nipple Update

Just to be on the safe side and avoid ghastly/tight-fitting clothes in last night’s performance, I did it in nothing but my pants. It felt remarkably comfortable. I may make a habit of it. Then again…

Visible Parts

During rehearsals for the Vanek plays this weekend, some publicity shots were taken. In these photos, as in the play, I am wearing a polo neck which is a particularly ghastly shade of mustardy yellow. It is also skin tight. I am quite a thin man, but I tell you it is skin tight. What is worse is that you can see my nipples through it. I am not used to wearing garments that make my, relatively flat, nipples protrude like the noses of tiny frozen shrews. Nor am I used to the multitude of comments that these protrusions provoke.

To make matters worse, the only other image of me that has appeared in the local (or any, as far as I know) press accompanied this review for Off the Cuff, and in it I am wearing the exact same fucking top. Nipples ahoy. Hurrah.

I assure you that in both these instances the top was worn either for comic effect or period authenticity, and that it was someone else’s idea that I wore it. I can also confirm that the next thing I will be seen in public in will be far pinker and more bear-shaped.

This isn’t the first time that this sort of thing has occured, and sadly it isn’t the worst either. During the Edinburgh Fringe in 2006 I played a rent boy in a play.  The script demanded that I wear bright red trousers, and the only ones we could get hold of that were the right colour were so tight they gave me a camel toe. Had I worn those trousers in Nazi Germany, I would have been rounded up immediately, and given my own special pink Star of David badge to cover all possible options. You could make out every detail, it was horrific. I’m sure it distracted the audience from the serious drama at hand. It certainly put me off.

In future I will make every effort to get roles that call for losse clothing. In the meantime, come and see me and my nipples perform at the Three and Ten in Brighton, Tuesday to Thursday next week, or see my pink fur-concealed body introduce some Bicycle Day films with my partner in crazy Pete Strong as part of Radio West Pier at the Alibi in Hove tomorrow night at 8pm.